Crazy Chicken Pirates 3D
3DS Download | Teyon | 1 Player | Out Now | $1.99 / £1.80
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15th August 2012; By KnucklesSonic8
It might seem strange to follow up a comment like that by jumping to the game's defense, but in all honesty, you wouldn't get a striking indication when you first boot it up that it's as terrible as it actually is. I know I won't be the only one to say this after the fact, but I was immediately put in a good mood with the nice elevator-like music heard on the Main Menu. Then, as I moved to the actual gameplay component, I again made immediate observations about the smooth animations, with the graphics being on the playful side and the overall atmosphere having an appropriately mellow tone. And as much as I disliked the fact that there's no actual music playing during gameplay and the fact that enemies sound like they're choking as they're being cleared off the screen, I have to admit that the presentation does work well. As for the game itself, I can't be nearly as kind; nay, I refuse.
Crazy Chicken Pirates 3D's main goal that it projects onto players is to rack up as many points as possible by eliminating ground and airborne chickens dressed in pirate attire. This purpose is overstated in that there's absolutely no clutter to crowd out the negative and perfunctory definition of what is termed as acceptable for gameplay. Shooting targets will involve making use of the stylus, dragging the tool along the Touch Screen to aim your cursor and pressing the L or R Button to fire a shot. To reload, you can rather impractically lift the stylus to tap a Reload button, or you can press Up on the D-Pad to produce the same effect.
As regards navigation, the intention is to have players push the stylus towards the corners of the Touch Screen, but because you have to hold it down in an area for far too long for it to move in the direction desired, the pace is thus disrupted and your ability to jump from one spot to the next is made a sluggish exercise. You can opt out of this main control scheme, though, without having to jump into a menu. All it takes is a push of the Circle Pad. At least, it should be that simple, but the problem you have here is that it's a tad jumpy to control this way. The same is true when using the buttons along the right of your system, done for the benefit of left-handed payers. But it's not the clumsy controls that make this such a bad game -- those are somewhat manageable. There are much more serious flaws that can under no circumstances be avoided or overlooked.
In surveying the area you're given, you'll come to see additional targets beyond the standard characters. In addition to environmental elements such as glass bottles and coconuts, periscopes and shark fins will appear at random in the water areas, and you'll at times even spot a metallic UFO gliding across the sky. As each element appears, a sound effect will play to give you a clue that something new has entered the area, even when you can't physically see it because of where you have the camera pointed at a given time.
You're given a little over a minute to earn as many points as possible, which truthfully isn't a lot of time by any definition. Without even getting close to the action, there's a very clear message sent by the game that is impossible to make light of. The destitute quality of the material settles in with such rapidity that you're left scratching your head as to why you even agreed to sign up in the first place. In view of this, it would be a good idea to take a look at that compass again, because there's no way you'll find so much as an ounce of hidden treasure here. Far from it, this is a product of mushy consistency that cannot possibly be stretched by any means on the part of either the game or the player.
The game tries to use what could be seen as very thin riddles to allow for a creeping in of an element of depth. In truth, all the game is really doing is grasping at straws to flesh out what really is purposeless and lazy design. This weak excuse for a scavenger hunt has you firing at fixtures that always remain in the same position every single time you play. So, to try and give something to work towards even in the short time frame you have to work with, they have some of the enemies performing specific animations that require you to wait patiently and correctly time your shots. This will include firing at flags being quickly waved around, guiding an enemy on a plank towards one end, and surprising a pirate situated by a cannon so a shot can go off. It is hoped that by spending time in these little areas that the player will get a sense that there's some depth behind all this. But in reality, this whole activity and the completely disproportionate principles the game abides by shamelessly throw you into a state of disillusionment. Encouraging you to place your feet on ground that simply does not exist, Crazy Chicken Pirates 3D is more aimless than it likes to admit. What is more, the game seems so unsure of what to do with itself, mistakenly trying to introduce ideas for a Hidden Object game. There are far too many indications of a weak premise here and the mindless execution really demolishes its vain attempts to hide from the spotlight.
The only bright side to all of this is you won't have to beat yourself over having to make up for a drastic amount of lost time. Guarantee you that after 20 minutes tops, you'll be done with this game for good; wiser still if you gave up long before that. Signaling nothing but extreme weakness in its tacking up indigestable elements, what is especially incriminating is how the game voluntarily exhibits its ill-advised behaviours in such a careless manner. Reflecting a critical deficiency in what it tries to pass off as riddling, the game is in serious need of a reality check. A single, 90-second level and a fixed landscape? Really? There's absolutely no content expansion, nothing additional in the way of gameplay or features (with the exception of a bonus sequence where you target invading pirates on lifeboats), and it's almost like there's an awareness that what it sees as formalization is in fact a soiled arrangement of looping circumstances.
It's not a complete disaster, but I truly feel this outcome has only served to tarnish Teyon's reputation. With an extremely watered down and unbelievably light premise taking on such pitiful realizations, Crazy Chicken Pirates 3D, in all its unshapely formatting, barely even classifies as a game. Completely farcical to an insulting level, this scrawny affair deserves not even a minute of your precious time.
09/30 - Simply Awful
Gameplay 2/10 - Extremely destitute when it comes to its design, grasps at straws to elevate a really weak premise, controls are on the clumsy side
Presentation 7/10 - Surprisingly good effort, has a nice atmosphere to it, one nice track but no music is played during gameplay, meaningless 3D
Enjoyment 0/5 - Folly of the entire experience sets in really fast, flaws are abundantly obvious and make certain that there's no actual entertainment
Extra Content 0/5 - Absolutely no value to the experience, barely even classifies as an actual game given the nature of the material
Equivalent to a score of 30% (percentage score is approximate and based solely on the previously stated rating) - Our Rating System