Game Info
Touch Battle Tank 3D
3DS Download | Silver Star Japan / Agetec | 1 Player | Out Now (North America) | $4.99
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Review
13th August 2012; By KnucklesSonic8
Completely transparent in what it does -- and, for that matter, what it does not do -- Touch Battle Tank 3D comes across as a really rudimentary game right off the bat. You systematically process your way through a bunch of stages, using one of two tank types (speed- or power-focused) to navigate small mazes and boxed-in spaces, eliminating some rather protective tank drivers who see you as trespassing on their sacred land. Hopefully you've taken note of the title to get a clear hint as to how you'll be controlling your vehicle, as the game assumes you can figure out on your own how to work something you might have had no prior experience with. Good thing there's no heavy-duty training involved. As you move with the Circle Pad or +Control Pad, holding the stylus on the Touch Screen will pull up a cursor used for targeting enemies. Releasing the stylus will send a bullet their way; the same effect can be produced by quickly sliding upwards, downwards, or sideways as the case may be. Is the aiming system all that likeable? No, not really. But it is something you can learn to work with in spite of the fact that the execution isn't the greatest.
Aside from the slight differences between the two tanks -- red has one life, blue has one; red can jump, blue can release charge shots -- little else needs to be explained about the mechanics. If you're looking for some strategic insights or tactical maneuverability, you're out of luck. Same goes for any desire for changes in gameplay, as variety is all but a foreign term to the game. So, what are you left with, then? Basically a shallow toy that dates back years before its time, that's what. Not even concealing it as though it were something to be shown off, this is a game that is tremendously lacking in worth and is also made dreadfully boring -- at least, initially -- due to its lack of substance. Progressively adding a few more tanks each time and the odd new threat now and again isn't going to change the fact that the game, at its core, is a glorified mini-game.
The team probably thought they were being clever by adding bombs that appear seemingly at random as you get close to some of the enemies. But both by their proximity and the patterns they follow, you'd think they were coming from your own unit, as if someone underneath the hood were intentionally plunking down explosives to sabotage you! Maybe, just maybe, there was some confusion and it's actually a trusted friend of yours who's just trying to be helpful, thinking these would actually destroy enemy tanks. Forget the logistics, though. The fact is these only add to the folly of every other known mechanic in their unsuitable state.
At the heart of it, there exists a truly poor, almost careless consideration of how players would actually participate in these battles. Many of the conditions seen in and around the range of Level 20 start to become ridiculous in their expectations -- something that becomes more and more noticeable as you move past this point. When you look at how sloppy their design is when it comes to the positioning of enemies, there's a clear intention to produce instantly destructive results. And by offering very little reaction time or physical room to get yourself out of these deadly traps, there's just too much being demanded of the average player in these scenarios. Because of the insensitivity of these looming threats, some stages are practically impossible to use the red tank in because you only have one life to lose. If you're in an enclosed space with one or two giant tanks and a host of smaller units all coming towards you at the same time, what are the chances that you're going to get very far with a single life? Even the most precise of players will have trouble dodging every last threat.
At the heart of it, there exists a truly poor, almost careless consideration of how players would actually participate in these battles. Many of the conditions seen in and around the range of Level 20 start to become ridiculous in their expectations -- something that becomes more and more noticeable as you move past this point. When you look at how sloppy their design is when it comes to the positioning of enemies, there's a clear intention to produce instantly destructive results. And by offering very little reaction time or physical room to get yourself out of these deadly traps, there's just too much being demanded of the average player in these scenarios. Because of the insensitivity of these looming threats, some stages are practically impossible to use the red tank in because you only have one life to lose. If you're in an enclosed space with one or two giant tanks and a host of smaller units all coming towards you at the same time, what are the chances that you're going to get very far with a single life? Even the most precise of players will have trouble dodging every last threat.
This is the second eShop title, now, to come from this team, and I find it very interesting that Touch Battle Tank 3D suffers from some of the same problems as their first (NA) release, The Phantom Thief Stina and 30 Jewels. Only the situation is far more damning in this case. Time and time again, as I explored many of the later levels offered in this already-problematic package, I continually doubted the presence of a QA team. If there was one, surely the design team didn't venture very far from home to bring in some testers for their project. And on the off chance that they did, I have a strong suspicion their play sessions were very brief in that there's no way they witnessed the idiocy of the later stages. Too many "if's" there, but I'm willing to bet that if this is indeed becoming something that can be tracked with future releases, then it's simply a matter of the team not getting it.
Touch Battle Tank 3D shows really no regard for aesthetics, either. Just looking at it, there's absolutely nothing about the way this game is presented that can be pinpointed as playing a part in making you, the player, feel like you want to be a part of whatever it is that they're trying to sell. Instead of being drawn in, if anything players will be put off by the sheer primitivity of it at all. After a while, it dawned on me that their true motive behind all of this was really to produce feelings of dreary. And with the experience itself already doing a fabulous job of solidifying those very emotions, all this dominant grey they have going on is really just icing on an already-realized intention. The tanks you control and see move as they should, and appearance-wise, they're not all that bad. Same goes for their movements. Though the AI can be a bit indecisive at times, the animations aren't poor. They're just really bland, just like the rest of the game's extremely flat, visually-unresponsive environment.
Neither the camera issues nor anything else pertaining to the game's presentation have anything positive to enhance what's put on display, and just witnessing how strongly the game is need of its own private session of instruction on the ways of proper game design, it's enough for feelings of withdrawal to surface. The overall complexion is an unhealthy one and instead of this being rectified by the use of 3D or the chosen music -- both of which serve practically useless functions -- all they do is draw that much more attention to how much the game needs some serious sprucing up. Things could've been even worse had the tanks moved at a sluggish speed, but still, with such little attention to detail, there's little dancing around the fact that Touch Battle Tank 3D has absolutely nothing enticing about it. Just about the only thing it does a good job of is being in sync with the direction of the game's poor design, and that's not at all something to be proud of.
Strongly lacking in its base model, Touch Battle Tank 3D has very little understanding on a bunch of things, essentially asking blatant questions as to rouse naïve individuals to emit some sort of educational response so it can learn how to do better. Never mind just the fact that its intentions aren't even remotely genuine, but to then have the audacity to punish anyone who, out of the goodness of their heart, believes it can be helped? Hardly what I'd call gratitude. Dismissing any surfacing questions about how to put into words what the game will never make heads or tails of, smart players will answer the only way they know how -- by not engaging at all. With flaws like these, solitary confinement is the only logical place for Touch Battle Tank 3D. Hopefully under such isolation it'll come to its senses. Much more likely, it'll learn the hard way by slamming into one of those death traps it mistakenly sees as helpful to its cause. But hey, if innocent people are kept out of harm's way because of it, that's no great loss.
10/30 - Very Poor
Gameplay 3/10 - Primitive with barely any substance, poorly designed in multiple respects, large portion of stages are inconsiderate in what they expect
Presentation 5/10 - Really bland, created environment is not aesthetically-pleasing in any capacity, repetitive music, useless 3D, animations aren't too bad
Enjoyment 0/5 - No fun to be had on account of the sloppy design, really really boring, plenty of frustration stemming from unpleasing design elements
Extra Content 2/5 - A number of stages to go through with two tanks offering some slight differences, can aim for medals if you so choose
Equivalent to a score of 33% (percentage score is approximate and based solely on the previously stated rating) - Our Rating System
